


Absence

by deathwailart



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Loneliness, M/M, Male Character of Color
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-11 03:01:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2051064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathwailart/pseuds/deathwailart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a long three years without knowing where he stands with Fenris.</p>
<p>Written for the 30 day drabble challenge: absence</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absence

He misses Fenris like he's lost a part of himself when he leaves. He doesn't fully understand – how can he when Fenris has gone through a sort of pain Benito didn't know existed until they met and Fenris opened up, told him of a life where he knew nothing but cruelty. Benito wants all his friends to be happy, he's never cared if it makes him sound naive or even simple, it's what anyone should wish, good health and good cheer for all their friends because friends have always been like family, father taught them all that at a young age. The thought that he's caused Fenris pain is perhaps the first time he's really looked at his magic critically because he loves his magic, he's never wanted to be 'normal'.  
  
Yet here he is.  
  
It's a long time to be alone in the estate with only a few fleeting visits here and there. Fenris comes to him after his mother dies, a simple hand on his shoulder and a few quiet words and it helps but it still hurts. Fenris isn't so far away but he was the one that left and Benito can respect his boundaries when those are likely still so new. Fenris is a free man, he shouted that himself at a slaver before they went racing down the road that brought them to this point, Fenris is free to make his own choices and he deserves his happiness, perhaps even more than any of the rest of them.  
  
If Benito's touch only brings pain (Fenris doesn't even remember his own name, he answers to a name given by his master and that's the name Benito cried out, Fenris with the lyrium branded into the flesh Benito mapped with hands and lips and tongue) then Benito can only apologise and let Fenris dictate what comes next. If he finds happiness in the arms of another then Benito will be happy for him.  
  
But he misses him. Mopes around the house and talks to his hound because it does something to ease the loneliness that settles like a stone in his gut and drags him down, makes him want to lie in bed all day and in truth he's thankful for how long it takes him to truly recover from the aftermath of the battle with the Arishok. No one needs him then and he can have Bodahn or Orana turn people away with only slight guilt. Eventually he sloughs off the sheets and scrubs his face, puts on all the airs and graces even if it makes him miss Carver too because Carver would laugh himself sick if he could see his brother now, all pomp and circumstance.  
  
He remembers Carver's offer to punch Fenris and it doesn't help but at least the smile it prompts feels real enough.  
  
He goes out, does whatever needs doing, doesn't see Isabela either and sometimes he wonders if perhaps Isabela and Fenris have sailed off into the sunset together and even though that hurts too, he wouldn't bear them any ill will, only regret that he didn't get to wish them farewell and good luck. Life continues, Benito Hawke becomes the talk of Hightown and goes to all the fancy parties and prays for his mother and father and sister and that they have a place at the Maker's side, that Carver is being watched over because Maker, he's a dear thing but he doesn't always think and he's still so young, don't take him too.  
  
Still, he goes home to an empty house. Goes home to an empty bed. Thinks about the scrap of red material around Fenris' wrist and the sigil on his belt that Benito sees every day and it's like pressing on a bruise; it hurts but it means it's healing, that one day it will only be a memory.  
  
He doesn't know what to make of that, how to interpret such a sign and he wants his father to explain things to him again because he was better at this so he goes to bed and pretends it doesn't feel as though he's lost a limb.


End file.
